hahaha oh god, do you ever realize things that you were completely oblivious to, that in reality were insanely obvious? I just did and felt an instant parade of emotions, like spinning a wheel on some sick, twisted game show about your own life, thankfully this imaginary wheel just landed on self loathing and mocking myself because there is nothing more to do than sit back and laugh at my own stupid thought patterns and decisions. hahaha, really? Atleast i can pride myself on being the person who was completely upfront and genuinely honest about everything. to be honest, im more upset about discovering the kind of person you are rather than the actual situation and what occured. i feel like for the past year i had worked so hard to turn a new leaf and be motivated and work hard and get where i need to be as a person and in every other sense of the word. after the choices i made i feel like i took two steps backward. purely because i feel like the choices i made were such a reflection of a more immature person that i used to be. i wont let it get to me for too long though, because i know everyone has their set backs.i think one of my biggest flaws is that i feel every little emotion so fully. any anger i feel i fuel so bitterly inside myself, any sadness i feel really penerates my skin and gets to me even if its the smallest thing. any excitment i feel i invest so much happiness into even the simplest moment that i get my hopes up and then when im left down i feel that fall harshly. writing this down and reading it over made me feel a thousand times better. blogging for peace of mind ftw.