the shirt i ordered from etsy is up at the post office finally! i have to run up there and sign for it, im going to throw my hair up and hop on my bike. eeeep i cant wait i cant wait

These past few days have been extremely reckless. I have been making choices so out of character. usually I have such an exact routine of doing things. a specific slew of steps that I’ve deemed the “right” way to handle things. for one of the first times in my life I’ve tossed out the rule book. I’m being indulgent, craving instant gratification. I can feel the weight of this learning curve but haven’t a clue what I’m going to be taking from it. Of course im hoping for the best, but my overly analytical side is preparing myself for the worst. Sometimes I think I would be a happier person if I didn’t care so deeply about every little thing. Would i be better off without this little need i have inside me to please each person I let into my life. Although its difficult to imagine not possessing such sensitive qualities as I always have I’m beginning to wonder, is ignorance really bliss ?

Very happy to be recording a cover with wearehopeless.tumblr.com today! :)

my finger tips are so raw and sore from the heavy set of strings on my guitar. i cant stop peeling them. even though its pretty painful i dont even care, i just want to drink tea all night and look up tabs. someone join?

i want to eat a thousand pitas

I realized lately how cold hearted i can make myself seem unintentionally while in reality being overly sensitive and suseptible to other peoples moods or feelings. i need to work on balancing my life out on a more constructive and even scale.

also, where i live there is a beautiful stone ridged beach just less than a block down my street. Its massive and covers the entire horizon with its gorgeous clean swimming water in the summer. Now that it is in the peak of winter the water is thickly frozen, some portions are frozen in mid wave motion, and it looks like a never ending artic wonderland. It looks as though im peering out on a slab of wildling territory or something and its the most gorgeous piece of nature. ill go down there and post some photos later n__n

i woke up feeling very sick this morning so instead of going to work today i sat on the couch watching skins and drinking diluted cranberry juice in my golem cup. it has been lovely.

i apologize for neglecting my blog and inbox. for some reason since i’ve moved into this little town i have felt such a natural withdrawal from tumblr and facebook and most social networking websites (with the exclusion on my addiction to instagram). instead ive been actually socializing with people in my community, volunteering, meeting new people, and exercising daily. i do somewhat miss blogging so in the near future i’ll put the effort into merging the two together. in the meantime, sorry for ignoring your questions. i’ll get around to a few that i like when i have more time.

* if any of you use instagram or myfitnesspal i still use those apps! my username for both is laurah0pe

xo 

• A. If you could get away with one murder in your lifetime without any legal, social, or emotional repercussions, would you kill someone?
• B. What is your first thought when you receive a message on Tumblr, are you excited for the idea of someone from potentially the other side of the world wanting to talk to you or fearful that someone will criticize you?
• C. Have you ever looked down on someone because you thought your religious views were superior?
• D. Would you rather know everything the universe has to offer but in exchange lose all emotions or remain the way you are now?
• E. If you could live and be healthy without sleeping or eating/drinking, which would you cut out of your life?
• F. If you could take on the exact body and form of anyone else on Earth, who would it be?
• G. Would you rather burn or freeze to death?
• H. If it meant it would solve all world hunger, war, disease and bigotry, would you spend the rest of eternity in Hell?
• I. Was the first crush in your life something you had or something someone had on you?
• J. Could you live without having sex ever (again) in exchange for eternal youth?
• K. Have you ever watched a full length pornographic movie?
• L. The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?
• M. If you could have the ability to manipulate matter or energy, which would you choose?
• N. What was the worst nightmare you ever had?
• O. Would you rather spend one year with your one true love just to never see them again or the rest of your life with second best?
• P. All the sequels/remakes/adaptations/rip-offs in movies nowadays, good or bad?
• Q. Would you rather be dirt poor and emotionally fulfilled in life or be rich beyond imagination and emotionally dissatisfied for life?
• R. Do you have any (secret) feelings of bigotry to any group of people?
• S. Would you rather be the only person in the world that can read minds or have everyone else in the world be able to read minds except for your own?
• T. If everyone in the world would automatically only know one language, which language would you choose?
• U. If you were old enough and not in a situation where it would be inappropriate, would you sleep with one of your (past) school teachers/professors?
• V. A world without religion, good, bad, neutral?
• W. The men’s rights movement, legitimate cause or laughable, and why?
• X. You can eliminate one of your five senses to substantially strengthen the others, which one and would you do it?
• Y. Do looks mean anything to you? Don’t lie, could you fall in love with someone you thought was ugly?
• Z. Can you understand the mindset and logic used by the opposite spiritual opinion? An atheist understanding the belief in a higher power and vice versa.

running into him sucked so much. i wish i didn’t miss him, i want to hate him. i want to erase everything we ever had so i have nothing to hopelessly hold on to. i want to take back every night we spent together and every sweet memory he gave. i want all this to truly mean as little to me as it does to him so i can effortlessly only remember the casually cruel person he was in the end. then i could so easily disregard the person i fell for. he is the worst thing ever. 

im ordering pizza. pizza heals all.

today has been a plethora of problem after problem arising. but beyond that, ive spent the entire day reflecting on the state of my life. in almost every aspect i am content, or atleast working towards improving the aspects that im not happy with. the issue that stands out the most for me is the regret i feel every time i put myself in a situation involving a certain person. as much as in the moment i feel wonderful and smitten, they cause me to realize every time that i am nothing special in their eyes and that their occasional interest is really all that they are willing to offer. i used to feel a sense of bitterness towards them in times like these, but this time is different. i realize i am to blame for letting myself be so easily swayed in their direction. Im the massive idiot for entertaining the idea that someone who has really only ever been an emotionless opportunist towards me could break that pattern and treat me with the respect i know i deserve, or even want to. i’m always putting in the effort, but its so rarely in its most minor form being returned. im not investing this time. i’ll just sit back and see what effort or lack there of is sent my way. ironically, i now feel just as impartial and cold towards it as they seem to.

on a happier note, i have like four days off starting tomorrow and im going to go to london and celebrate my best friend matthew’s birfday. i also may be going on a shopping trip in the states with amy, and im going to get crazy at the karaoke bar with angel! heres to letting positive caring people into my life and here’s to disregarding the selfish and negative ones.

i am very much looking forward to having the entire weekend off and getting to go to london. one more shift and then im off! im really hoping i’ll get to hangout with andrew and chris like we did every day last winter. also my cat is trying ruthlessly to lay on my keyboard as i type. bugger off navi!

going to bed a happy girl because i have the next three days off and the halo 4 release is approaching yay yay yay